Stranger than Fiction - Strangers are Strange

Strangers are strange. The more I think about it, the more I find this to be true.

Now I don't claim to be an expert on human nature, but I have discovered one plain fact - people I don't know, such as you, are infinitely weirder than people I know.

For example, I don't know anyone with a split personality, slightly cracked - yes, but not totally split. Neither do I know anyone who is jealous of their dog, or anyone whose hobby is collecting used toothbrushes. I have never come across a woman who is a plastic-surgery addict, or a man who claims to have married an alien.

Where are these people?
Why don't I ever meet them? (Actually thank God I dont - cos i'd have a couple of things to say to them)

I know they are out there because I watch The Oprah Winfrey Show, and I'm sure she wouldn't lie. Being a science student, I know how the universe is wired. I own two physics text books and the whole set of Childcraft encyclopedia, so I feel qualified to make the following logical deduction: Everyday more and more people are born. Therefore let us say X number of people grow up to be weird by the age of 18. Out of the total people born, I know a small percentage, and as demonstrated earlier, these people are not strange. Therefore, the odds that a person I don't know will turn out to be a weirdo increase. It therefore follows that the greater the number of people I know, the greater the chances that the rest will be strange. (Ok, I realize that was a bit hard to follow, so I'll wait till you read it again.)

And out of that technical but brilliant reasoning I have evolved one startling new law: Ambika's Law of Weirdity: Law states that if I don't know you, you are probably strange, ranging from the mildly eccentric (the neat-freaks and ketchup-on-everything types) to the totally whacko.

Now just relax.

Take slow, deep breaths.

Stop banging your head on the wall.
I agree it isn't nice to suddenly discover that you are mental-institution material, but there is hope for you. After much thought and deliberation, I discovered a solution to your problem.

Since the root of your problem lies in the fact that you don't know me, the solution lies in changing that rather unfortunate situation. So, out of the goodness of my heart, I have decided to be available for anyone who wants to meet me between 9:27 p.m. and 5:01 a.m. Monday thru Friday.
No appointment necessary.

And it's all absolutely free, though a small but tasteful gift would encourage me to get to know you sooner. Also, as I am a non-profit organisation, a small donation (totally voluntary of course) would aid us in helping future sufferers. By the way, since we are to be friends, you might like to know I'm partial to chocolates! You are probably wondering how you are getting away so easy!

There is, I'm afraid, a slight problem. If you recall Ambika's Law, you will remember that the more people I know, the greater the chances that the rest will be weird. So, by getting to know me, you inadvertently put your other friends and relatives at risk of being weirdoes.
What of the invalids who can't come to see me? What of the aged, and the ill? (Please note, I don't make house calls.) It is a grave moral choice that you alone can make! Whatever you opt for, remember that I am always here for you. Except on weekends, so please don't contact me then. And please refrain from calling me at home. And don't stop me on the road. I was brought up never to talk to strangers.

and as my mother always says, "Strangers are strange!"