The Huggy Dilemma continues (3/4)

Back with the next set of analysis


3. THE GOLFER HUG
This kind is definitely the most irritating! Usually bestowed by the very 'girly' girls and intolerable 'aunties'.

You know you're in trouble when they see you and yell "Sweeetooo” loud enough for ALL your friends to hear. They'll trot up to you, and then suddenly get into this weird pose. They bend forward from the waist, leaving their butt sticking out in mid air and grab both your hands where the golf club should have been. Then they hook their chin onto your shoulder and nuzzle your reddening cheek with theirs. This, as you are well aware, is very embarrassing (not to mention emotionally scarring). They also end up leaving half their make-up on your face!!

Men are Lucky! They are… I've found a foolproof repellent for these decked-up pesty aunties. If I were a man… I’d have kept a moustache/beard, the type, which would draw blood. A permanent 5-o-clock shadow would have kept any Sweetooooo wielding hugger away! Once shredded by the lethal Bika Beard, the ladies would stick to saying a distant "Hi!" from the safety of their sofas. (Though my name wouldn’t have been Bika then... but that’s not relevant!)


4. THE PARTY HUG
Though one doesn't encounter this kind of hug on a day-to-day basis, it is still worth a mention.

Walk into any 'cool' party, and you'll get a good feel of this hug the minute you enter.

You make your ‘entrance’, and most probably, someone who you hardly know will spot you. It's probable that you both don’t even remember each other's name… but it would NEVER DO to reveal that!!

So, you fly across the room to hug each other like long lost friends. Say “HIIIEEE! How ARE you?” and quickly lead into frivolous but necessary conversation about lost weight, newly acquired (swapped) spouses and how fabulous his/her new look is!

The danger of this hug type is that by the time you make it thru the masses and get to the food you have to start all over again to hug everyone goodbye!!

(Note: Sometimes this hug is accompanied by a peck on the cheek. To avoid this, the 'Bika Beard Technique' (mentioned above) proves very useful. If you are a woman, then even the slightest hint of a beard is just as effective.)

So, in sum - I still haven't managed to find the hug that suits my personality best … but I do know that none of the above are for me. So, until I find and perfect that 'Universal Hug', I'm going to keep experimenting and practicing...


NOTE: Some of my men volunteers have already found out what sort of hugs are unacceptable. It's was a simple test: if you get slapped, then you better reject that type and drop it right there-n-then.. the hug type I mean… Somehow it was all these ‘rejected’ types that were the most favorite. I wonder why ? :)